By Wasatch Crest Team Member, Soheila S.
Wasatch Crest team member, Soheila S., shared her addiction recovery story with us. You can read her full narrative below.
On October 8, 2016, I found myself laying on my mother-in-law’s front lawn with my wife. Both of us were dope sick. I was miserable and hated who I’d become, waiting for my dope dealer to make us well again. I had always promised myself that I’d never get to the point of being sick from withdrawal. I knew I had two choices, to go on existing, hoping that one day I would use enough to not wake up, or get help.
I turned to my wife and said, “Can we be done now?” She looked at me in amazement and said, “Yes, please.” I told her to drive me as far away from our house as she possibly could because I knew if my drug dealer got to us, I’d never be done. I went to the LDS hospital for detox, and that was the first time I had ever honestly prayed. I didn’t believe in God at the time, but I didn’t know what else to do. So I asked God for help, and he answered my prayers.
After detoxing, I was able to go to a treatment center. I went into residential for 45 days. Going into treatment, I believed that when I got out, I’d be able to smoke pot and drink “normally.” All I had to do was kick the “hard stuff.”
While in treatment, I was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 steps. I started working the steps in treatment, and for the first time, I became honest with myself. I admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic and addict and that it didn’t matter what substance I put in my body; once I did, I couldn’t stop. I was able to find a God of my understanding and turn my will over to that God. I learned that what I had was a disease and that I had to treat my disease on a daily basis. I chose to treat my disease with A.A. and a Higher Power.
I graduated treatment after doing 45 days in residential and another four months of outpatient. Early recovery for me was difficult. I grew up in an alcoholic/addict family and used with most of my family. I had to learn early on how to set boundaries and put my recovery first. I had to stay away from them and avoid putting myself in bad situations. It was really tough, but I didn’t have to do it alone. I dove into A.A. I got a sponsor, worked the steps, got service positions, and developed relationships with other people in long term recovery.
Today, my wife and I have four years clean and sober. It was difficult to be in a relationship during early recovery, but we both worked on ourselves, and because we did the work, we were able to maintain our relationship. I still work the program of A.A. and attend meetings on a weekly basis. I have a relationship with my family, but I still have to keep myself safe with healthy boundaries.
Today, it’s no longer a fight to stay sober, and I enjoy life. I have hobbies and passions. I go rockhounding, ride motorcycles, and give back to my community. I don’t put myself in dangerous situations anymore. I trust myself. When I look in the mirror, I’m able to like who I see. I work in treatment and get to show others that recovery is possible.
Life is difficult and that’s okay. My solution used to be to use and drink, but today I have a different solution. I get to live life on life’s terms and I no longer live in fear. I’m able to handle situations that used to baffle me, and I do it surrounded by love and support from others who have walked the same path that I have.