In this Q&A with Jessie, we delve into her inspiring journey of navigating past addiction to find hope, empowerment, and a renewed sense of purpose. Through sheer determination and the support of a compassionate recovery community, she transformed her life, reclaiming her roles as a mother, daughter, and professional. Today, she stands as a beacon of hope for others, demonstrating that recovery is not just possible but profoundly rewarding.
My Journey: From Darkness to Hope
My experience with addiction was like living in complete darkness, a prison that only those who have felt it can truly understand. I wasn’t living, nor was I dying. I felt utterly hopeless, defeated, defined, hateful, and discriminated against. Each day, I could care less if I lived or died and often wished for death. The only thing that gave me any sense of feeling was the next drug, the next high. I sold my soul over and over again, just to find that next fix, perpetually trapped in a cycle of chaos, destruction, and panic. This wasn’t just my reality; it was the reality for my children, family, and friends too.
Recovery was something I desperately wanted and needed but had no idea how to achieve. I felt it was a lost cause, especially for someone like me. When I first walked into a treatment center, I had lost everything: my children, my significant other, my home, and my self-respect. I arrived with nothing but the clothes on my back. I knew recovery wouldn’t be easy, but I also knew that continuing down my current path meant losing the last thing I had: my life.
What I found in recovery was hope. I met people who had turned their lives around, living with joy and purpose, and I began to believe that maybe I could too. Recovery has been an experience of hope and joy for me. I never believed I would feel joy again, but since starting my recovery journey, I have rebuilt my relationships with my sons, family, and friends. I found a career I am incredibly passionate about, and I feel a sense of purpose and love in my life once more. Eight years ago, I was alone, afraid, hopeless, and hateful. Today, I help others still suffering and advocate for recovery and mental health awareness.
If you attended gender-specific treatment, how has it impacted your recovery?
Regrettably, I did not attend a gender-specific program, though I wish I had. Before and during my active addiction, I endured numerous situations with a partner who was extremely abusive to me. Consequently, I found it challenging to fully open up in group sessions because men were present. This inability to be candid in mixed-gender groups prevented me from addressing the root causes of my addiction. It took me years after treatment to confront and work through this trauma. Had I been in an all-female treatment center, I might have been able to address the trauma and progress in my recovery much more quickly.
Balancing Roles: The Art of Finding Balance
In recovery, I learned the importance of balance through trial and error. Initially, I lived and breathed recovery, but I soon realized I was neglecting my other roles in life, such as being a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Life is about balance, and it took time for me to find that balance. Today, I am a woman in recovery, a mother, daughter, sister, friend, and coworker. I can fulfill all these roles, but only when my recovery is intact. Being sober and present is essential for me to be able to give and receive love, satisfaction, and fulfillment in all areas of my life.
Empowerment: Rediscovering My Worth
Recovery has empowered me to believe in myself again. I discovered that I am worthy of grace, love, and success. I now know that I can achieve anything my heart desires. When I first entered recovery, I faced many obstacles. I fought for the right to see and be with my children again and to have my record expunged so I could obtain employment and support myself and my children. These hardships molded me into the woman I am today. There is no obstacle I now face that I don’t believe I can overcome.
Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. Facing a cancer diagnosis was terrifying, but knowing that I had overcome great hardships in the past, I knew I could face and overcome cancer as well. And I did. I now have a new lease on life and faith that things may not work out the way you want, but they always work out the way you need them to.
Inspiration: A Message to Women Struggling with Addiction
My message to other women struggling with substance or alcohol use is simple: don’t give up before your miracle happens. Recovery is hard, but it is absolutely doable and worth it. Having worked in this industry for many years, I’ve seen people give up on themselves, leading to incarceration, institutions, or death. Many of my friends have passed away, and their influence will never be forgotten. However, those who do not give up flourish into the most successful and amazing humans I have ever met. You are worth everything, even more than you believe or know. With time and recovery come miracles, happiness, and joy. It’s not easy, but it is absolutely worth it—because you are worth it.
Residential Treatment For Women at Wasatch Crest
Our Jupiter Women’s residential treatment program provides a safe, welcoming space and tailored clinical treatment for women struggling with substance use. By encouraging vulnerability and compassion among clients, our Jupiter program promotes deep healing. During their stay, women receive care based on evidence-based modalities, allowing them to process trauma, grief, and loss, cultivate self-compassion, and foster healthy relationships. To learn more, reach out.
